There are just a few things that I would like you four kids to know. Well, there's A LOT I'd like you to know, but here are some of the highlights.
#1: I wanted you all TERRIBLY.
Because I wanted you so badly, your dad and I couldn't stand the thought of "someone else" raising you. It was so important for me to stay home with each of you - I didn't care if we ate mac and cheese the rest of our days, and could totally be content with never taking a family vacation again. Every little financial struggle has been worth it to wake up each morning and have my "job" be all of you. *I* heard your first words. *I* saw you take your first steps. *I* got to watch your sleepy little eyes and the tired little yawns. All those moments are MINE, and I take them all selfishly.
#2: I WANTED you sleeping next to me.
It was *my* decision to have my sweet little babes in bed with me. I was told by many people that I should let each one of you learn to sleep on your own - in a crib, in another room - and that after 3 days of you screaming, you all would stop and start sleeping soundly. I can't stand the sound of my babies crying. I do, however, love your cuddly little bodies against me - safe in "our" bed. Again, it was MY choice. I didn't want you to leave my side until you were ready. And I still quite enjoy weekends when you older kids come and join us for a few minutes all snuggled under the covers. (The king size bed was a GREAT investment.)
#3: I kept you away from bottles.
I wanted to breastfeed you. It started out hard with all of you. It would have been more than easy to quit. In fact, in our society, it seems to be a "do what makes you comfortable" vs a "do what's good for your baby" mindset. I knew it was the best thing for each of you, and I reminded myself of that when I sat on the couch sobbing in pain. I knew that it wouldn't last forever (even though at the moment it seemed like it would).
I tolerated the ill comments from others who found out that I nursed most of you beyond the age of one. Maybe it was their guilt talking. I questioned myself once about it, but soon got over it and decided I didn't care what anyone else thought - I was responsible for you. I am your mother. I had your best interest at heart the entire time.
#4: The messy house doesn't bother me much.
A spotless house sounds like heaven - but our "clutter" reminds me that my children live here, they're comfortable with their surroundings, and they really feel like they can be themselves. I was going to paint over the scribbles in the tv room long ago when Madison first put them there. But as I've let them sit, they remind me of a time when she was so little - she's growing so fast and soon those scribbles will be a treasure and reminder of my little girl.
I have a million others but one of you is crying, we have a birthday present to wrap for a party in 15 minutes and lunch is long past due. But I love you and I'm so glad you chose ME to be your Mother. :)
MOM
