Friday, August 15, 2008

My heart among other things are aching...

Yesterday was school registration. The boys are TERRIBLY anxious for school to start - I'm trying not to be offended... I sort of want them to be as sad leaving me as I am them. ;)

We were excited that we were able to sign both Taylor and Jordan up for Spanish. They're going to need it later in life. (Or sooner, depending on how you look at it.)

Still no word on when or where Madison starts preschool. She is totally upset that she doesn't have a "day" to look forward to. I'm HOPING something comes in the mail this weekend. I don't know how much more of her I can stand!!! ;)

It's finally happened. The day I thought would never really come. Reagan is now on day 4 of not nursing, and I'm shocked. It's not that she doesn't WANT to nurse... it's just that the TIMES she wants to nurse are the only times I was trying to "block out". (Like 2:30 AM, 3:30 AM, 4:30 AM, 5:00 AM, 5:12 AM... you get the picture.) She was awful mad that I tried to take those times away from her, so those are the ONLY times she WANTS her "nursie". It's totally bitter/sweet for me. I mean, we went 22 months, how fantastic is that? But on the other hand, she's my last baby... and that means no breastfeeding ever again. That makes my heart ache. While I haven't loved every moment of my nursing years, I have the majority of time. I'm so glad that I was able to do that for my babies. I wouldn't change any of it - except for maybe nursing Taylor longer. (Dumb doctor advice...) I feel like I'm starting a life now that I really don't know anything about... for so many years it's been nursing and/or expecting a new baby. Making the transition to the "no newborn" phase is scary to me. (I would have had a hundred babies if each time I didn't get so sick! Where is the fairness?!?!?) I feel a little bit awkward moving into a new time of life. (Advice anyone?)

But hey... aside from my emotional meltdown about the whole thing, it's AWESOME for Reagan that she's finally taking this step. (Really, I thought she would nurse WAY past her second birthday, and we haven't even hit that yet.) It's good for her to show some independence. Anyone who's followed stories on Reagan know that she is extremely attached to her Mama... and with the breath-holding and everything that's gone on in her little life we've let it be that way. I can tell that she's "grown up" over the last few weeks just based on how she's reacted to things. *knock on wood* we haven't had any breath holding for almost 4 weeks now. She still gets upset, but she's been able to "catch" herself before passing out. It's been WONDERFUL. That is one phase I am THRILLED to have behind me!

Today is a "get the house in order" day since school is right around the corner. Since it's cooler out today, we might have to hurry with chores and run over to the park for lunch or something. Can't miss those opportunities!!-

As for the "other" things aching... I'll just say that I said earlier that Reagan hasn't nursed for FOUR DAYS. "nuff said! *winks*


Erin Taylor said...

Awe... I know what you mean about moving into a different phase. IT is so hard for me to see my little guy not so little anymore. I can't relate to the nursing for 22 months, though. I lasted 3!

HeidiT said...

Aww, I didn't nurse but I do miss those bottle feeding days. Nothing better than having a sleeping baby in your arms. : )

Brandi said...

It's great that your babes are excited for school. I remember feeling that way for elementary, but junior high sure kicked the love of learning right out of me.

No more nursing is a bittersweet thing, especially knowing she's the last one! (((()))