Tuesday, July 17, 2007

Dear Children:

There are just a few things that I would like you four kids to know. Well, there's A LOT I'd like you to know, but here are some of the highlights.

#1: I wanted you all TERRIBLY.

Because I wanted you so badly, your dad and I couldn't stand the thought of "someone else" raising you. It was so important for me to stay home with each of you - I didn't care if we ate mac and cheese the rest of our days, and could totally be content with never taking a family vacation again. Every little financial struggle has been worth it to wake up each morning and have my "job" be all of you. *I* heard your first words. *I* saw you take your first steps. *I* got to watch your sleepy little eyes and the tired little yawns. All those moments are MINE, and I take them all selfishly.

#2: I WANTED you sleeping next to me.

It was *my* decision to have my sweet little babes in bed with me. I was told by many people that I should let each one of you learn to sleep on your own - in a crib, in another room - and that after 3 days of you screaming, you all would stop and start sleeping soundly. I can't stand the sound of my babies crying. I do, however, love your cuddly little bodies against me - safe in "our" bed. Again, it was MY choice. I didn't want you to leave my side until you were ready. And I still quite enjoy weekends when you older kids come and join us for a few minutes all snuggled under the covers. (The king size bed was a GREAT investment.)

#3: I kept you away from bottles.

I wanted to breastfeed you. It started out hard with all of you. It would have been more than easy to quit. In fact, in our society, it seems to be a "do what makes you comfortable" vs a "do what's good for your baby" mindset. I knew it was the best thing for each of you, and I reminded myself of that when I sat on the couch sobbing in pain. I knew that it wouldn't last forever (even though at the moment it seemed like it would).

I tolerated the ill comments from others who found out that I nursed most of you beyond the age of one. Maybe it was their guilt talking. I questioned myself once about it, but soon got over it and decided I didn't care what anyone else thought - I was responsible for you. I am your mother. I had your best interest at heart the entire time.

#4: The messy house doesn't bother me much.

A spotless house sounds like heaven - but our "clutter" reminds me that my children live here, they're comfortable with their surroundings, and they really feel like they can be themselves. I was going to paint over the scribbles in the tv room long ago when Madison first put them there. But as I've let them sit, they remind me of a time when she was so little - she's growing so fast and soon those scribbles will be a treasure and reminder of my little girl.

I have a million others but one of you is crying, we have a birthday present to wrap for a party in 15 minutes and lunch is long past due. But I love you and I'm so glad you chose ME to be your Mother. :)



Lena said...

Oh my goodness! That is so beautiful!! Those are GREAT things to write down and share with them.

Stacie said...

I second that!

QueenMeadow said...

Aww, how sweet!! What great reminders :)

frugalmom said...

Those are great things to remember when being a mom gets overwhelming!

Life ticks on said...

I love this post. I am very much the same way. I do however love that my final lil boo has moved into her bed that she is sharing with her sister and hasnt had any issues. She loves being FREE! This is the first time though that hubby and I have slept alone in 10 yrs!